Are Your Characters In Love Or Just Infatuated?

Your heart beats faster, a shiver runs down your spine. You feel an intense desire to be near this person. You desperately need to have this person close and to lavish your attentions on xir, and there's nothing that would make you happier than to have this person do the same. When you look upon this person you see perfection, be it in personality, looks, or both.

When you see this person you feel like you could get utterly lost in xir eyes or smile. You get an emotional high when you're around this person, so much that describing this person as your own "personal drug" may seem apt. Nothing about this person can truly annoy you or make you mad. You can easily imagine yourself being perfectly content for eternity with nothing but the affection, presence, and approval of this person making you happy.

You may be nervous and worried that this perfect person will be put off by your own perceived imperfections, and you may often find yourself thinking about what you could do to make the other person see you as a romantic interest. When the person is gone you can't get xir out of your head and you often find yourself looking ahead or daydreaming about seeing xir again.

This is infatuation, not love. While infatuation can potentially draw people together and set the stage for real love to eventually develop, it is by no means an indication of whether or not the relationship will last very long (even if both parties feel this way about each other), let alone whether it's destiny, true love, or whether the pair are "soul mates." The only thing being infatuated means is that... you're infatuated. No more, no less.

Infatuation certainly can feel profound and wonderful while it lasts. However, it's typically short-lived and wears off between a few weeks to several months, and it's perfectly possible to become infatuated with someone that you're actually incompatible with in the long run. The real success of a relationship or romance is not measured by how long the infatuation lasts, but by how happy and secure with the pair are with each other after the wild, giddy, squiggly feelings have worn off.

Can your characters resolve arguments and disagreements when a smile or a hug is no longer enough to melt away all anger and misgivings? Can they cheer each other up when one simply walking into the room no longer gives the other an instant rush of happiness? Is there any reason they should want to do anything together after they no longer feel blissfully happy just from basking in each other's presences? Are they willing to work an unpleasant job to support the other financially if necessary even though the "welcome home" kiss no longer electrifies their lips?

Are they both willing and unafraid to communicate their wants and desires and come to compromises? Are they both willing and unafraid to keep each other in the loop about each other's plans and projects, and are they comfortable having (with themselves and each other) plans and projects that don't involve each other? Are they willing to take up their share of the housework - the dirty dishes, laundry, and taking care of the house - together? Are they or would they be willing to do all of this even though the feelings associated with infatuation faded away?

If the answer to these questions is yes, then your characters might very well be in love. But if not, then your characters were never really in love and they'd realistically find their relationship falling apart once the infatuation wore off.