Dear People of Earth...
(A short satire.)
Dear People of Earth (esp. citizens of the United States of America, with apologies to the president for the damage caused to his home):
When I arrived on your planet early in your month of August, I was pleased with your reception. Rather than sequester me away in a remote location as I had been told might be done, you simply subjected me to a few weeks of questioning and examination before letting me walk among the people of Earth. I am certain you did this out of your own goodwill, and not because of the fleet that I mentioned would come looking for me were any harm to come to me.
However, while certain aspects of my stay were most pleasant, it became apparent to me that most people I met were not so welcoming. Although they would not openly declare their dislike of me, they made it clear through a series of blatant lies that were clearly contrived to mock me and my intelligence. And it is these people I specifically wish to address:
You insisted that your planet has four of what you call "seasons." My planet has no such thing, but being of an open mind I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt at first. You told me that you were at the end of the season you call summer, and at the verge of the season you call autumn. You described the aspects and signs of these seasons very clearly to me, and I was most eager to see them take place.
Every morning, I would eagerly rise in anticipation of seeing the leaves of all the plants changing color, as you assured me happens when summer turns to autumn. While I saw a few plants reaching maturity and the end of their natural lifecycles, this thing you call "autumn" did not happen. Most of the plants were still green and growing.
You told me that autumn means the death or dormancy of your plants. Yet while I saw a few trees yellowing (more likely due to disease or malnutrition than this thing you call "autumn," I suspect), I saw new grasses growing. If this thing you call autumn really existed, this should not happen!
Whenever there was cool weather, one of you might look at me and say, "There's that autumn chill! Can you feel it?" All I felt was a cool day. Without fail, the day after that would be warmer - surely not what one could expect at all if your hemisphere really was getting cooler. The day after one such "autumn chill," the weather went right back into the 90's of your Fahrenheit scale. Obviously, your hemisphere was NOT cooling down at all.
I'll admit, I held out some faith in you for awhile. The date you told me was the official first day of autumn had not passed yet, and part of me was still so fascinated by the concept of autumn that I still had some hope. I eagerly and optimistically awaited the arrival of September 21st, the date you told me was the official first day of autumn. When it arrived, I hastened out of bed to see its arrival.
Words cannot express the disappointment and disgust I felt. Contrary to your claim that September 21st was the day autumn really began, everything was the same as it was the day before. Trees were still green, grass was still growing, and the temperature was still warm. When I told you how upset I was at your lies, one of you would point to some sickly plant and say "THERE is the evidence of autumn! Can't you see it?" You know as well as I do that all plants die eventually, and a few dying plants here and there prove nothing.
Despite the fact that I was clearly onto your hoax, you refused to drop it. You started to show me pictures of events that you claimed took place in autumn, and even in winter. Of course, I did not believe them for a moment. By this time I was well aware of your abilities to manipulate and fake images. I also know that you knew this, which is why I know that you were simply mocking me by this point.
And just in case you think you have any hope in fooling me further, know this: I overheard you talking about creating more fake images. One of you said quite plainly "when I get the chance, I'm going to try out this snowboarding trick." I know full well that "trick" means to "fool," which means that you were planning to fool me with more fake images. You have admitted your guilt to me!
So people of Earth, despite your pretentions of friendliness and hospitality, you have proven your contempt and disgust for me. This is why - on your date of October 1st - that I am leaving your planet forever.
Regards,
Avnin Sribak VII.